january 4, 2019

bootleg

I get home from work and someone tells me to try a new game. it is a remastered game. The game is some sort of strange, off color bootleg mashup of Crash Bandicoot and Spyro. I try to tell people that it's directly copying those too and how they were legally able to make this game twice. No one believes me so I go to a toy store and grab Crash and Spyro plushies. I show them the similarities. Everyone agrees they are similar, but they still do not believe it is a knock off. I leave in a huff.

I go to my sister's house, which is my late grandmother's house. She has adopted a black Chihuahua named Mama. I accidentally call her Mimi several times. I play with Mama for a little bit and then decide to sit on the couch. Mama gets on the couch before I can and shows me her belly to rub. I do it for her but it is unpleasant, as she has about 20 nipples on her hairless stomach. I fix all the pillows on the couch that had fallen onto the floor. My sister says I didn't need to do that but I remark I should because it would be rude not to.

My partner (at the time) arrives and asks if I'm ready to go home. I tell him that today would be a perfect day to pack everything of ours in the house that we wanted to move into our new house. We pack a Super NES and several ceramic frogs.

january 5, 2019

sweatpants

content warning: unsanitary, blood

I am at a pep rally for a professional football team. I am given candy that is labeled to pass out to a group of girls. I do so and start eating the extra candy. One girl comes up to me and declares I didn't give her her candy. I tell her she wasn't on my list. She swipes a giant Sour Punch Straw from my hand and leaves.

The pep rally begins and is led by the team's version of cheerleaders: The Call Girls. They are actual prostitutes and the only legal form of prostitution in the country. They begin the Call Girl Drive where they try to earn as much for the team as possible for various gigs, ranging from paid flirting to paid sex. I get up to buy snacks when I realize I have bled through my sweatpants. I ask another person in my group if she has a tampon; she does and gives it to me.

I run to the bathroom, yelling about how I haven't had a period in 2 years so this was surprising. I get to the bathrooms which also have a mini store in them. I look for tampons because I don't have any with me and will need more later, but the store is out too. I go to a corner stall near the back that also has a sink in it so I can wash my pants.

I sit and start to pull down my sweatpants when a man (not sure if he is the manager or not but he looks like the store manager from a place I used to work) opens up the door and starts to look around the stall to inspect. I yell at him and tell him he needs to leave. I pull up my sweats to cover myself, but I start peeing and bleeding all over them. The inspector lingers for a long time, never looking at me or acknowledging what I say. By the time he finally leaves, I finished peeing and pants are covered in urine and blood. They are ruined.

I start sobbing and someone coming to look for me finds me. She calls another woman over. They tell me I need to sue the stadium. Just then a guy who is in love with me who I don't care about runs up and offers to help. I tell him to find me new sweats. He asks what size I wear, I tell him large or extra large. He leaves and I keep crying until he gets back. He has 2 different sweat pants and a pair of shorts. He tells me it was all they had. One pair of pants is a size 8 and one is a size 88. The 88 fits, so double numbers must be the sum of those two. They are nice quality Spiderman sweats. I ask how he could afford all the those pants. He says he used a credit card. I offer to pay him back in cash but he refuses.

We are at my home now, which is in an abandoned ruin in the jungle. The man says he loves me and wants to get married. I tell him that will not work because I am already married. My husband gets home. He is Sokka from Avatar: The Last Airbender.