march 22, 2019

cheese fight

content warning: suicide, abuse, guns

I am playing an Animal Crossing-like game in which you earn Heart Points, or HP, by making villagers happy and doing them favors. Around the town there are sheds and lean-tos marking where new buildings or amenities can be unlocked with HP. I go to one with a red bear in front of it. It is an arcade and costs 34 HP to unlock. I have 144 HP. I unlock it and am prompted to pick a layout for the arcade, similarly to Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer. While in the middle of figuring out what layout I want I am interrupted.

I am living with my partner at my father's house. My partner asks if we can go make dinner. I agree, but I am reluctant because my father usually fights with us or yells at us when we leave the bedroom. We go out into the kitchen where they have left their dirty cookware and old food from dinner on the stove. My partner goes out to the garage to get ingredients from the fridge while I begin to clean off a pan, which is just full of cold melted cheese, so we can use it to make hot sandwiches. My father comes out of the dining room and berates me for not wanting to eat the meal he made. I try to explain that my partner and I are both lactose intolerant but he starts screaming over me. He tells me I am stupid and ungrateful for not eating anything he cooks. Every time I try to respond he gets closer to me and I begin to panic. Finally he starts to reach out to grab me and I scream out, "If you hate me so much maybe I should just die!" and I run out toward the garage.

At this point my partner has come back inside and tries to intervene but I rush past him. In the fridge there is a black and yellow gun and I try to grab it but my father grabs onto me and pulls me away from it, pulling down my clothing as I struggle. I fight my way free and run outside. My father follows me with a shotgun and is able to get in front of me. I grab the barrel of the shotgun and point it at my face and demand he pull the trigger. He tells me he won't give me the satisfaction of letting me die and that I deserve to suffer. I lunge forward to try to grab the stock but he is able to dodge. My partner reaches us and grabs me to pull me back inside. I am told by him and my father that I am to be under constant watch. My sister comes over to watch me I am locked in the room and I go back to playing my game.

march 27, 2019


I am playing Skyrim-like game. I am traveling by horseback east along a stone-paved road parallel to a wide river on a starry night. I pass through a small town and then arrive at a mill called Half Moon Mill (which is canonically run by vampires). I go to speak to the couple who runs the mill and see that they have blue eyes. I had cleared theirs and everyone else's vampirism before during another quest. The husband tells me that no one can be truly cured, and that the taste of blood never leaves you. I respond that he is making me uncomfortable so I leave.

Further up the road I find a wooden bridge and see that there is a gang of bandits. I cross to fight them. I am wearing leather armor and using a two handed warhammer. While fighting one, two others come up to me from behind. They do a lot of damage and I do not have any healing potions, so I use a teleportation potion to return to Half Moon Mill. The map markers are very small and the cursor is large, so I miss and accidentally travel to the first town to the west of the mill. When I arrive I am fully healed.

I travel back toward the east and see a black flaming horse in the road. When I approach it to fight it, it apparently a pig instead. I kill it in one strike and it disappears. When I arrive at the mill again, I check my inventory and it is revealed that I am a ginger Khajiit. I see that I have 4 wigs in my helmets. I point them out to my partner, who is sitting next to me, and ask which he thinks is coolest, to which he replies that he needs to see them all first. The first, going right to left, is a large afro with a headband on it that makes it a little flatter on top so it is not a sphere. The second is dreads pulled into a ponytail. The third is very long and thick slightly wavy hair with some face framing pieces, and the fourth is the same but without framing. My partner asks how I got these wigs and I say it must be from the bandits which seem to be a new DLC. He hesitates and tells me to pick the first hairstyle but changes his mind and picks the second.

Travelling further up the road, I see a large walled city in a very high fantasy style up a curved hill in the path. I get off my horse and run to it. Battle music starts playing and a panic and enter the city gates without looking, hoping whatever is chasing me can't follow. Inside the city I am still being chased, so I change zones a few times to escape but am unsuccessful and have to turn to fight. The attacker is an 8 foot tall ent with skeletal features that is ghost-white. I struggle to defeat him but I am eventually successful. I check to see why I am so bad at fighting in spite of my high level. It is apparent that I have done a Legendary reset of my skills and that my light armor is only 50, my one handed weapon is 32, and my two handed weapon is 60. I equip a one handed axe so I can level the skill up.

I leave the zone I am in and find myself in an elegant light blue castle. To the left of me is an Altmer guard. I ask him where I am. He responds that I am in the royal castle of Queen Fdsijjshdsk. I ask him to repeat it twice to understand the pronunciation. It is pronounced pretty much how it looks. The guard tells me I am unworthy to be in the castle so I leave.